Journal

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Just a little summary of some thoughts that seem interesting at the time

Journal 2022-01-23

“Smart” seems to my buzzword of choice for this year. It’s very handy to be able to monitor and automate one’s own things and tasks. My concern is just that I don’t want other people to monitor and automate my things and tasks. Random Thoughts: Tap-ins count the same as long shots. Helping others helps … Continue reading Journal 2022-01-23

Journal 2021-12-11

It is surprising how many times I am stopped in the street and asked for directions. Last night for instance, it was late, dark and raining; all the man had was a bit of paper with a printout of a map – no umbrella or hood – and he was literally miles away from where … Continue reading Journal 2021-12-11

Journal 2021-12-02

Children reveal my ignorance with all the why, why, why questions – with every answer needing a further explanation of something I’ve taken for granted, until I get stuck. It would be much easier to say “because I said so” or “God made it that way”, like in the good old medieval days. Random Thoughts: … Continue reading Journal 2021-12-02

Journal 2021-11-25

My story so far is partly one of failing at everything, but doing just about enough at the last moment to scrape over the line. As the years ticked by, I eventually crawled a fair way. I have no regrets or pride, just bemusement. Random Thoughts: It is satisfying to warm up in front of … Continue reading Journal 2021-11-25

Journal 2021-11-13

To be open with yourself and the world, and not concerned with how that is perceived, is freedom from a prison of mental constructions; however there is a lack of empathy, poetry and charm in being blunt with people, or saying anything that comes to mind. The happier circumstance is to connect beyond words. Random … Continue reading Journal 2021-11-13

Journal 2021-11-12

I’m writing the flow of what comes into the imagination, without constraints or thinking too hard about how its coherence and construction. After a while of doing this each day, it amounts to a body of work I can then review, edit and refine. I’m hoping to finish a first draft by the end of … Continue reading Journal 2021-11-12

Journal 2021-11-11

My engine is fuelled by plants, which means the system is cleaned, rather than clogged up with rotting flesh. There is an irony when people dictate the morality of others, while actively supporting the meat trade. The single biggest thing that most people can do to make a positive change in the world is to … Continue reading Journal 2021-11-11

Journal 2021-11-07

Fortunate people often come up with stories and beliefs that justify their own lofty positions in life, looking down on the suffering they could otherwise do something about. If you have a lot of surplus money, it is your responsibility to spend it well, otherwise you are squandering those resources and other people’s lives. Andrew … Continue reading Journal 2021-11-07

Journal 2021-11-04

Experience something. Initial feeling happens. Mind overrides and reasons a recommended alternative. Go back and revisit the feeling. What is the feeling telling you? There is probably more evaluation in that feeling than the clumsy thought cogs, which are usually powered by fear. Random Thoughts: What is the definition of someone who believes that religious … Continue reading Journal 2021-11-04

Journal 2021-11-03

Wanting to know how everything works can be exhausting, distracting, and fascinating. Random Thoughts: Live today before you decay. If you find meaning in your job then working is living. 10,000 years ago or so, humans had only wooden and stone tools; and were foraging or hunting each day like any other creature on this … Continue reading Journal 2021-11-03

Journal 2021-10-31

Love desecrates the strangeness. We pray under crosses, owned by Man and grovel to bosses, slaves to a plan: Trapped in the web, of your endless lies, to be spun from a thread and eaten like flies.

Journal 2021-10-29

To do priority list: Finish the novel. Finish developing the App prototype (MVP). New trading algorithms released. Film the screenplays and other performances. Claim my free pensioner’s bus pass. All part of a 3 year plan (with the exception of point 5). Random Thoughts: I’m now less keen on the phrase “so meta”.

Journal 2021-10-23

Thoughts can cause distortions and distress. Accumulated thoughts can cause a state of mind that seems impossible to escape. The power that things and situations have over you disappears with the absence of thought. You can’t think your way out of thinking. To try is to think. To be is to live.

Journal 2021-10-16

The seven standalone short stories are: The Outer View; Night Fire; All The World’s A Stage; Human World; How I Became Prime Minister, Doomsday 1066, The Viewer. A combined version ties them together as a novel. Each of the seven short stories have an adapted screen time of about 45 minutes. And they are all … Continue reading Journal 2021-10-16

Journal 2021-10-13

I’ve gone through phases of mainly focusing on, in turn: music, songwriting, singing, and artworks. The next up is writing, then performing what I have written. None of the activities are switched-off. It’s just I start to feel pulled more in a different direction. Random Thoughts: I’m winning at being slow.

Journal 2021-10-12

Skills and knowledge can now be learnt at any point in life because the resources are openly accessible. What is truly valuable is a learning that inspires the imagination to create rather than repeat. Random Thoughts: Artists observe. Intense feelings of empathy are welcome but lead only to misery if overwhelming. I don’t think life … Continue reading Journal 2021-10-12

Journal 2021-10-11

Why do answerers never say why “that’s a great question” is so great? I also would like to know why other questions aren’t that marvellous, with details of the grade achieved, percentile scored, and marks out of ten for effort 😉

Journal 2021-10-10

Sunday is my favourite day of the week, but I wouldn’t want every day to be Sunday. Saturday is when I can work a full day on what interests me most. I plan no work on a Sunday, but ironically this can be my most productive day because it’s usually when the best thoughts and … Continue reading Journal 2021-10-10

Journal 2021-10-07

Sonnet 18 sounds great when repeated in a vocal melody with Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major. Random Thoughts: It is more fulfilling to create than consume.

Journal 2021-10-01

Tip: The French in particular love it if, when visiting their country, you speak English at them and expect to be understood. Try also repeating yourself more slowly and loudly, as they might not have heard the first time. Random Thoughts: Add depth to 2D habits. Who you choose to spend your time with is … Continue reading Journal 2021-10-01

Journal 2021-09-30

I could perform my music, poems and monologues on open mics – and film it if I want to. Sounds good to me, as live audiences always lift up the energy. Random Thoughts: Powering down before the upload completes would be a pity.

Journal 2021-09-26

Books, pen, pencil, paintings, guitar, piano, tea, coffee, flowers, trees, animals, peace, love. Writing 50 threads within a theme, each comprising 1,000 words. Random Thoughts: The tender beauty in your eyes is my breathing. Experienced reality is an interpretation of the senses. Acting is imagination.

Journal 2021-09-25

I really should be doing ALBOD on camera. So far though, better something than nothing. Random Thoughts: An over-focus on moving parts blurs the emergent meaning. Cruelty, callousness, delusion, suffering. Love, kindness, truth, joy. Increase leverage by delegation. Delegate to someone who is better at the task than you.

Journal 2021-09-24

Parliament has a hilarious Gallery of the Grotesque, where British politicians have their oil painting portraits commissioned from grateful public funds. They look so masterfully earnest. Much advised if you fancy a laugh. Random Thoughts: I tend to pick and choose between “American” English and ‘British’ English, defaulting to the familiar unless the American version … Continue reading Journal 2021-09-24

Journal 2021-09-18

I’m sitting here under an old oak true, on a bright September afternoon, with my phone at the ready, having told myself to record literally anything that pops into my head. Well the first thought that jumps to the top of the queue isn’t particularly interesting, but here goes… It is quite an old joke … Continue reading Journal 2021-09-18

Journal 2021-09-14

Had an entertaining dream last night about Robert De Nero, Al Pacino and Michael Douglas as The Three Stooges, in a hospital drama, with the running catchphrase: “quick, look like normal people!”. Woke up laughing.

Journal 2021-09-12

I’ve only had the phrase “do you know who I am” said to me once – I couldn’t resist saying “nope” and didn’t work there much longer. Another time, some “head of” something or other in a bank went red with frustration, muttering indignantly about “no respect”. And I still remember the look of stunned … Continue reading Journal 2021-09-12

Journal 2021-09-05

I would gladly undertake all computer activities on my phone wherever I happen to be, if functionality were comparable. Wearing special sunglasses that project personal holographic images of keyboards and screen displays would be fine, but I would not fancy wearing anything that plonks on my head and prevents my vision beyond its pixels.

Journal 2021-08-28

Wandering around, passing people engrossed in a myriad of stories and situations, one line leapt out: “If we get rid of Bruno that actually frees up money for the London office”. What they were drinking would have probably cost Bruno’s wages for a week. They were smiling in satisfaction with the idea, not talking with … Continue reading Journal 2021-08-28

Journal 2021-08-01

It is possible to define much that is essential to humanity’s flourishing with an inverse reading of this passage from Orwell’s 1984: “There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Party. There will be no love, except the love of Big Brother. There will be no laughter, except the laugh of triumph over a … Continue reading Journal 2021-08-01

Journal 2021-07-10

Confirmation bias afflicts even the most objective thinkers. I am generally sceptical that people, especially in our current febrile state, have the wise nuanced answers to the big questions of society, philosophy and the human condition. I think we are usually wrong, despite the confidence and self-certainty of the protagonists, who are wrapped-up in the … Continue reading Journal 2021-07-10

Journal 2021-03-21

Activities in no particular order: actor, singer, songwriter, artist, writer, financial software developer.

Journal 2021-02-28

I remember as a young kid once being reprimanded by a stranger in a shop because I said that I didn’t like some latest fad with clothes (bizarrely at the time there was a short-lived fashion of wearing patches of cartoon pictures on denim). The explanation given was that it is popular, so I am … Continue reading Journal 2021-02-28

Journal 2021-02-13

I haven’t been able to do much aerobic exercise this week because of the snow and the Covid-shut gyms. One thing I have noticed is that I can suddenly lift much more because of the inactivity. It just goes to show why ultra-strong athletes have to sacrifice aerobic fitness in order to optimise their strength … Continue reading Journal 2021-02-13

Journal 2021-02-12

Imagine if each of your waking thoughts were logged and at the end of the day you read them back. It would be line after line of the same thoughts pointlessly repeated. Imagine if this were a person hanging around saying this monologue to you. Would you be wanting more or would you prefer some … Continue reading Journal 2021-02-12

Journal 2021-02-10

It seems that in the not too distant future a person could have a digital avatar that is convincingly human. So in effect people would design or choose how they wanted to look online; or at least greatly augment their appearance. People could look like anything and any age, in real-time video, using widespread technology!

Journal 2021-02-09

I am currently surrounded by ice crystals floating down through silence into soft glowing snow. The only sound is the pulse of my breathing.

Journal 2021-02-07

Where would I live if I could live anywhere? I am British, I owe my freedoms and opportunities in life to this country and I would never give-up British citizenship; however, if I could live anywhere in the world, would I choose here? I think, yes, but only for the summer months. London is a … Continue reading Journal 2021-02-07

Journal 2021-02-06

Reading 2 to 3 hours every day for a year is probably enough to skim through the complete works of Shakespeare; and this will still probably miss 90% of the meaning and richness of the text.

Journal 2021-01-24

The “us” and “them” mentality is the biggest obstacle to overcome. There is only we.

Journal 2021-01-23

A successful society unlocks all people’s potential for kindness, fulfilment and happiness.

Journal 2021-01-17

Job: employed at a financial markets brokerage firm. Side-project: writing an algorithmic trading terminal. This may sound like a huge project but I have actually already written the back-end code – it’s just a case of placing a GUI on top. I will gradually iterate to a stand-alone FinTech App for people to optimise and … Continue reading Journal 2021-01-17

Journal 2021-01-02

I describe creative activities by five broad categories: music, performance art, visual art, writing, ideas. Examples: At present, my paid activities can often be included in ideas. I would include any type of personal presentation as the acting form of performance art.

Journal 2020-12-31

Upload speeds: Handwriting = 40 words per minute (wpm) Touch-typing = 70 wpm Speaking = 150 wpm Download speeds: Listening = 150 wpm Reading = 200 wpm Thoughts: 1,000 to 5,000 wpm

Journal 2020-12-30

2017 – Coming soon…… 2018 – Coming soon…. 2019 – Coming soon.. 2020 – Coming soon 2021 – ?

Journal 2020-12-29

The art of any performance is truthfully interacting with the situation that is arising. If all the world is a stage, then not knowing the future – or the fact that you are acting – helps create a great performance.

Journal 2020-12-07

Driving in London last night, I witnessed three separate angry outbursts in the space of five minutes by people on the roads. I always notice that the “crazy level” goes up a few notches when driving inside the M25, but that condensed series of events was the worst I’ve seen.

Journal 2020-12-05

Live a day like it is a life in entirety. First thought on waking is gratitude for the new day you will see. Last thought is gratitude for the day you have lived.

Journal 2020-11-29

A background script to run Triggered on recognition event() Action.Pause Script exit Notice….. Kindness.

Journal 2020-11-27

Any person is much more than even a diverse array of influences. So I’m really not into social twittery on twit-twat and faceblobber; my summary identity is a tortoise in hare’s clothing etc etc Twitter Twiddle Twaddle blah blah rhubarb. I am not a number, I am a blancmange, or something…

Journal 2020-11-26

Mistakes are lessons, only when the reasons are noticed; otherwise they are habits practiced each day.

Journal 2020-11-20

Never ever put yourself down.  Reasons: Some people will revel in doing it for you. For their sake as much as yours, don’t make the conditions easy for them. Don’t diminish life; whoever you are, you are amazing and unique. Faux modesty is dishonesty. Don’t insult other people’s good opinions. Be strong for others.   Some … Continue reading Journal 2020-11-20

Journal 2020-11-19

A little target I’ve set myself is to make it to 100. Yes I know, quality is more important than quantity, and yes many of the factors are out of my control. I don’t take it too seriously but I like having something to aim towards. The best way to be in good health is … Continue reading Journal 2020-11-19

Journal 2020-11-15

Noticing the aliveness of the body feels pleasurable – and there is palpable relief when any tension is found and released. Mindfulness can be as simple as noticing the breathing.

Journal 2020-11-14

I’ve been writing a thought a day here for the previous few days. I will flip now to an actual pen and paper because the closeness to the handwritten words feels more personal to me.

Journal 2020-11-13

If you are truly happy, it is impossible to be petty, self-absorbed or unkind. Happiness lives in a much better place.

Journal 2020-11-12

Cats and dogs are similar, only in that they both like living with you. Cats are beautiful, elegant, magical; it feels like you are honoured if they grace you with their attention. Dogs love you – all they want is to run and play, sniff things, eat food, and most importantly: your affection.

Journal 2020-11-11

I form tears when I’m moved in any meaningful way – so if I produce them in a performance, I’m not pretending, I’m genuinely feeling what I’m doing.

Journal 2020-11-10

I add to a file any interesting little phrases that occur to me, removing them later on if used in a song or other writing; for example, I just added: “A lived life transcends its genre.” In retrospect similar phrases may grate on the ear with cheesiness, but if I like the sentiment at the … Continue reading Journal 2020-11-10

Journal 2020-11-09

If you choose to share in the happiness of others, rather than compulsively dwelling in negatives, then you have happiness for free.

Journal 2020-11-08

I seem to get satisfaction out of pushing myself physically – maybe because in my mind I am subscribing to the motto “no pain, no gain”. A variation on the theme is that anything initially perceived as negative can be viewed as part of a greater improvement process.

Journal 2020-11-07

Writing a screenplay for a romance story… it’s a bit sexy! I might develop it into a novel later, if I can make the time.

Journal 2020-11-06

Tip: Whenever you are talking about someone, assume they can hear every word. Hopefully this will remind you to be kinder.

Journal 2020-11-05

I wouldn’t call London a beautiful city, but it is endlessly fascinating. The maze of streets emerged not by grand design but grew from what had been before. It is eccentric, hickety-pickety, throbbing with history and humanity.

Journal 2020-11-04

Muddled, confused, unaware – what on earth were you doing? Why were you sleep-walking for so long?

Journal 2020-11-03

In the distant pre-internet days when I was a kid, I designed a board game then forgot all about it. The game actually looks pretty fun; it has a blend of strategy, risk and probability – like many good games. So I think I’ll have a few physical sets made-up, thanks to the internet and … Continue reading Journal 2020-11-03

Journal 2020-11-02

Just 15 years ago or so, it wasn’t particularly easy to share photos and updates with friends and family; there were fewer easily accessible outlets for self-expression and it was more difficult to find interesting information or media. The downsides are well-known, although if fully acknowledged there would be more energy in finding effective solutions. … Continue reading Journal 2020-11-02

Journal 2020-10-31

I yo-yo between the Southwark part of the Thames and the Colchester countryside. Many of my pictures are from what I see during my wanderings: reallybobster.com/art

Journal 2020-10-30

Interesting to read that the Chief Economist of the Bank of England thinks creativity will be impaired if people do not work in an office. My prediction would be that creativity has more chance away from the noise and haste – based on the familiar theme that original thinkers, artists and spiritual figures often had … Continue reading Journal 2020-10-30

Journal 2020-10-29

All human beings are unique. Uniqueness doesn’t have a category. Categories confine a life to a label stamped on the head. Categories are boxed, ordered and under control. Categories deny humanity.

Journal 2020-10-28

Demanding how other people think is a type of violent control, asserting oneself over them; seeing the multifaceted world, with endless possibilities, through just one dimension.

Journal 2020-10-27

The whole song can be better heard by listening – rather than making and amplifying noise. The problem is the insistence on certainty, and building an identity around this, with everyone thinking they are always right. No matter how certain you think you are, even if momentarily touched with lucid insight, you are probably not … Continue reading Journal 2020-10-27

Journal 2020-10-25

My school up to the age of 11 was unusual because I remember doing a lot of arts and crafts, singing, drama and creative writing. This type of education has probably disappeared now under the weight of standard curricula, exams and league tables. I only really developed a passion for learning again when I had … Continue reading Journal 2020-10-25

Journal 2020-10-18

Dubbing for home languages is really not a good idea. The vocal is half of the performance – take that away and splice in another person’s voice, literally mutes and disconnects the actor.

Journal 2020-10-10

A question seems obvious when you have seen the answer. A skill seems easy when you have practiced its mastery. Only the time has changed.

Journal 2020-10-04

Recorded Sonnet 129 in one take. I didn’t plan how to do it – I just absorbed the words and wanted to see what happened. The result is interesting, like nothing I have heard before. The character speaking is not one you should let seduce you.

Journal 2020-10-03

If I had the choice now to pick how many years to live, I think I would choose 10,000, although maybe when getting close to the limit I might want another quota. I wouldn’t tick the box for a human eternity, as transience feels fundamental to the nature of life.

Journal 2020-09-27

My IOS Apple health app is showing it has stored 238.66 terabytes of my data! Wow, didn’t know I did that many steps.

Journal 2020-09-18

Watching performers, I appreciate quality but I don’t get particularly excited by even exquisite technical excellence. Looks attract, certainly, but interest is quickly lost if there is nothing real going on beyond the performance. I detach emotionally when there is anything conceited or contrived. What holds me is real lived human experience, with all its … Continue reading Journal 2020-09-18

Journal 2020-09-10

I really don’t like listening to or watching any recent performance of mine, even if I am generally pleased with how it turned out. This is weird because I don’t mind after a while, when there is some distance of time and I have forgotten about the process involved. I suppose the time delay helps … Continue reading Journal 2020-09-10

Journal 2020-08-31

A lot of what I know is the product of age and curiosity, and although broad is often just familiarity with the basics. But I do also feel something expanding within me lately and I’m not sure of the cause, like energy ignited from a switch that has been flicked on.

Journal 2020-08-15

Random thought, slipping into British mode… Despite its reputation, England can be a nice place for the weather. We have about six months when it can be very pleasant to be here, say from about mid-April to mid-October. The dark, cold and damp months of December to February take some extra effort to appreciate. I … Continue reading Journal 2020-08-15

Journal 2020-08-12

I appreciate the story-telling of real human experience, truthfully expressing core feelings that are shared by people across cultures and time. Very generally, I tend to turn to Shakespeare for plays and poetry; and Dostoevsky for deep psychological novels. Some other great writers I like to read are Aldous Huxley, George Orwell, Thomas Hardy, James … Continue reading Journal 2020-08-12

Journal 2020-08-11

Reading Hamlet. It’s been done millions of times, but my instinctive interpretation of Hamlet’s “To be, or not to be” soliloquy is a bit different from the many performances I have seen. In fact it may be unhelpful seeing other people’s performances because the blueprints distract from my own relationship with the words. Every single … Continue reading Journal 2020-08-11

Journal 2020-08-06

I think I will set-up my own green screen film studio and have some fun making videos. I want to shoot dramatic monologues and music performances – and also maybe some presentations if I’m feeling boring.

Journal 2020-07-30

Wasn’t Shakespeare amazing. It would be so interesting to find out how his genius developed – what he saw and experienced in his life that helped him write such beautiful words and comprehend so deeply the human condition in all its different aspects. I can think of other notable geniuses in history – Mozart in … Continue reading Journal 2020-07-30

Journal 2020-07-19

I think I’ve found a new thing. I’m really enjoying putting a podcast together on drama – and am working out how best to film some of the recordings. It will include some of my music as well.

Journal 2020-07-12

I’m interested in performing great monologues from literature – it seems easy to upload audio as a podcast and also filmed versions for a YouTube channel. I’ve been looking for a podcast where I can listen to dramatic performances of literature, but am finding mostly dry monotone readings of poetry. Monologues on YouTube seem to … Continue reading Journal 2020-07-12

Journal 2020-07-07

I uploaded Alive today. The song took a while to finish, I needed to be in the mood. Lots of other unfinished songs to pick up and play with, but they aren’t calling me at the moment. For another time…

Journal 2020-07-06

An obvious point is that there is greater chance of releasing the magic if not consumed by self-aggrandizement or conforming to other people’s expectations, especially if the current norms are harmful and wrong. Success in transcendent goals is not the same as success in negotiating positions of status in the current society, which of course … Continue reading Journal 2020-07-06

Journal 2020-07-05

Reading about Dostoevsky. There is certainly a trend in history that the most interesting thinkers and artists tended to be outsiders for defining periods; and sometimes the untamed spark that made them great was dampened when invited in from the wilderness. Dostoevsky’s spark seemed to ignite after the more eventful stages of his life – … Continue reading Journal 2020-07-05

Journal 2020-07-04

The internet and smartphones have been transformative for me. I have instant access to knowledge in my pocket. At any time I can find brilliance and beauty at my fingertips. I can learn from top minds and see the most incredible examples of what humans can do. If I am unfamiliar with a word, I … Continue reading Journal 2020-07-04

Journal 2020-07-03

In computer programming, effort goes into creating reusable building blocks of code that can be implemented in multiple transferable processes. Much like the exponential growth of knowledge, the components can be included as foundations in larger and larger frameworks.

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