Although life always has its funny way of testing assumptions about anything, I am an enormously fortunate human being, living in a time and place where I have an opportunity to explore varied possibilities of life and to freely express my thoughts without serious risk of inquisition or persecution.

This blog is intended to consolidate my observations, the only real conclusion being that experience has somehow shown me what I already knew but did not understand, as written by many people before.

Throughout history we have behaved like members of ant colonies attacking, destroying and enslaving each other; with the added horrors of sadism and sexual violence, often led by one murderous sociopath after another. History is predominately one of brutalized, traumatized, confused people living in pain and subjugation – we in turn build statues to the monstrous and watch entertainments of the butchery.

Yet young children are joyous, loving, curious, imaginative, creative, alive – everything we as adults should be. Adults generally (despite the facades) are often lost in a mix of anxiety, depression, frustration, regret, vengeance, anger, fear and self-loathing; in varying stages of struggle and confusion.

Something happens along the way that drains the joy and implants the madness. If we are aware of what that is, can we become better adults?

Blog updates:

Journal 2020-07-12

I’m interested in performing great monologues from literature. Seems easy to upload audio as a podcast and filmed versions for a YouTube channel.

Looking for a podcast where I can listen to dramatic performances of literature, but finding mostly dry monotone readings of poetry. Monologues on YouTube seem to be mostly non-realistic anger and angst.

Journal 2020-07-06

An obvious point is that there is greater chance of releasing the magic if not consumed by self-aggrandizement or conforming to other people’s expectations, especially if the current norms are harmful and wrong. Success in transcendent goals is not the same as success in negotiating positions of status in the current society, which of course will change with the relentless passage of time. It just so happens, however, that those people who were motivated by intrinsic value rather than their own psychological desires produced the best long-lasting examples of beauty and creative human potential.

Journal 2020-07-05

Reading about Dostoevsky. There is certainly a trend in history that the most interesting thinkers and artists tended to be outsiders for defining periods; and sometimes the untamed spark that made them great was dampened when invited in from the wilderness. Dostoevsky’s spark seemed to ignite after the more eventful stages of his life; in particular after his death sentence for sedition was commuted at the last minute to hard labour in a Siberian gulag, writing four classic novels after this period.

Journal 2020-07-04

The Internet and Smartphones have been transformative for me.

I have instant access to knowledge in my pocket. At any time I can find brilliance and beauty at my fingertips. I can learn from top minds and see the most incredible examples of what humans can do.

If I am unfamiliar with a word, I look up its definition; if I don’t understand a reference, I read about it from credible sources. When I want to learn anything, all the instructions and guidance are there.

When I need to be inspired, I can find it there.

The Colosseum

The Romans viewed the Colosseum as the zenith of civilisation, representing the natural order playing out in glory of the Gods. In the arena was unadulterated murder and torture for the entertainment of the baying crowds.

People 2,000 years ago are us, just brought up differently with different beliefs and living under different conditions.

Humanity has mostly now progressed enough to recognise the depraved evils that were socially accepted in previous times; yet a person of the time would have gone along with the accepted norm, assuming it was right because everyone else said it was right. They were wrong.

Unless you think we are currently at the zenith of civilisation, what are the great injustices of our time that are socially conditioned and accepted? These wrongs will have been justified and reasoned away to become the mainstream behaviour.


200,000 years ago, anatomically modern humans in the world.

5,500 years ago, the written word begins.

475 years ago, the Scientific Revolution.

250 years ago, the Industrial Revolution.

150 years ago, the Technological Revolution.

70 years ago, digital electronic computers.

29 years ago, the Internet.

13 years ago, Smartphones & Social Media.

Another big changer due (or has already happened).

What will be the timeline in 1 billion years time? The future could be completely incomprehensible from where we are now.

Journal 2020-07-01

Couldn’t do as many lifting reps with less food.

There may be a psychological factor involved, as that was what I expected: strength athletes tend to eat at regular short intervals, and deliberately overeat over the course of a day to make sure they have the optimum amount of calories and nutrients to build muscle – they later undertake a cutting phase to lose the fat.

Runners need to be sparrow-like, as light as possible to optimise the power-to-weight ratio. Carrying excess muscle around is not optimal.

I want to be both agile and strong, rather than ideally adapted for one function.